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aviv_b_artwork) wrote2011-03-05 11:38 pm
There’s A First Time For Everything (part1/4)
TITLE: There’s A First Time For Everything
RATING: PG-13
WARNING: mentions of sexual harassment as relates to canon, names of several sex acts but no descriptions thereof
CHARACTERS: TEAM, mostly Gwen, Tosh & Ianto
GENRE: Humor
DISCLAIMER: Not mine; Aunty B's and RTD's
WORDS: ~ 5520 (including documents)
PROMPT: Written for tw_unpaired, #30 - After Jack hires Gwen, he tells Tosh and Ianto to prepare an orientation packet. They take to the task with gleeful abandon.
A/N: A non-canon look at Gwen’s first day at Torchwood. No Suzie and the Team already knows about much of the aliens and their technology that we see later in series one and two. Some events from series one and two are discussed as if they have already occurred.
“Welcome to Torchwood, Miss Cooper,” Ianto said as Gwen entered the Tourist Office. “My name is Ianto Jones and I’ll be conducting your new employee orientation today.”
Gwen smiled. She remembered him from her first meeting with Torchwood. A quiet and polite young man, with just a hint of mischief in his smile.
“I’m very pleased to meet you…again,” Gwen replied.
Ianto smiled back, not surprised that she wasn’t shy about letting him know that she remembered everything from before they had given her retcon.
“We have a lot of information to cover today so if you’ll follow me, we’ll get started.”
He pressed something under his desk and she heard a click behind her. A wall slid away revealing the entrance to a long hallway. Minutes later they arrived at the cog door entrance. Gwen breathed a sigh a relief. It was just as she remembered.
“Come on, I’ll introduce you around.” As they walked in Gwen gave a nervous laugh.
“Will you be upset if I tell you that I remember everything?”
“I’d expect nothing less of you, Miss Cooper. But are you sure you remember everything?”
“Big hairy ape thing, weevils are what I think Captain Harkness said they were called. And please call me Gwen.”
As they stepped in the Hub something huge swooped over her. Gwen ducked and covered her head. “Now that I don’t remember.”
“That’s Myfanwy, our resident pet.”
“It’s a pterodactyl!”
“Actually a pteranodon. I think we’ll leave the actual introduction for later.”
“Over here is the medical bay,” Ianto said walking her over toward the railing. As they got close to the area an unpleasant smell hit them.
“Looks like our medic, Owen Harper, is up to his elbows in Hoix guts. Perhaps we’ll leave the tour of the medical bay until later as well.” Owen looked up having heard their voices.
“Gwen, I’d like to introduce you to Owen Harper. Owen, this is Gwen Cooper.” Owen looked up giving his best serious doctor face and waved to her. Gwen took a step back from the rail as she realized that Dr. Harper was holding something in that hand that looked suspiciously like intestines.
“That’s Doctor Harper, nice to meet you,” Owen said tersely turning back to his dissection.
Oh that’s… Gwen said, covering her face from the stench.
“Yes, Doctor Harper certainly knows how to impress the ladies. I’m afraid the Captain is on his weekly call to the Prime Minister, so we’ll catch up with him later. If you’ll follow me, we’ll go up to conference room, where another colleague, Dr. Toshiko Sato will be waiting for us.”
They climbed up to the conference room and after introductions were made the three sat down around the table.
“If you’ll open your orientation package we’ll get started. Take a few moments to read through the first page and then we’ll answer any questions you have. In the meantime may I get you a coffee? I’m guessing you take skim milk and two sugars, am I right?”
“Why, yes you are…that’s extraordinary. How can you tell or did you just follow me around to find out how I take my coffee?” Gwen laughed.
“As you will find, Ianto Jones knows everything,” Ianto smirked before leaving the room. Gwen paled.
Tosh smiled. Always good to keep the new recruit a little off balance. “Don’t worry; he’s not dangerous, just thorough. Though it is a bit disconcerting to know that he knows everything about your past, what’s in your bank account, probably even your bra size and how often you have sex. But you do understand that as super secret organization we have to make sure you can be trusted.”
“Oh, no, that’s OK,” Gwen replied feeling her stomach lurch a bit. She turned her attention to the document in front of her.
_________________________________________________________________
WELCOME TO TORCHWOOD
"Outside the government and beyond the police,
beyond the United Nations”
You are privileged to be joining the ranks of an elite force of men, women and the occasional alien dedicated to protecting the Earth from extra-terrestrial invasions, and objects or sentient beings falling through a rift in the space/time continuum.
Formed in 1879 during the time of Queen
During the following years, the Torchwood Institute accumulated much alien technology, reverse-engineering it and applying it to secret military projects within the British army. Within Torchwood an unofficial slogan evolved: "If it's alien, it's ours.” This strategy didn’t always work out as planned, (see section on Torchwood London).
Torchwood’s role has expanded over time; it often works with the Unified Intelligence Task Force or UNIT (formerly under the auspices of the United Nations) in preventing alien incursions. Torchwood is also assisted by The Doctor from time to time as he is now recognized as a “good” alien.
Today, Torchwood Three, located in
Torchwood Two, located in
Torchwood Four disappeared some years ago. If you find its location, please let us know so that we may collect the £10 owed to Captain Harkness from Malcolm Wellbottom for winning the 1921-22 Northern League Rugby championship betting pool. Accusations that Captain Harkness had future knowledge of the win by
Torchwood One in
We hope you have a rewarding and productive career at Torchwood, regardless of how long (or short) that career may be.
_________________________________________________________
While Gwen finished reading, Ianto passed the coffees out. She was so curious she felt like she was about to explode with questions.
“So Torchwood’s been around for over a century? How is it that it’s stayed secret for so long? And a rift in space and time, does that go in both directions? And aliens, are there many aliens in
“Those are all good questions, which we’ll answer as we go,” Tosh said surprised by Gwen’s enthusiasm. “We’ll provide you with more information about the history of Torchwood if you’re interested, but to focus on the present, the rift has gone through periods of greater and lesser activity, much like a volcano. For the last twenty years it has become increasingly active making it difficult to keep it a secret.”
“Not to mention Captain’s Jack’s decision to put a large logo on our SUV. Nothing helps one to keep a low profile like a large logo,” Ianto quipped. “We believe the rift does go in both directions due to a number of strange disappearances of people over the years of whom no trace was ever found. But we can’t prove that because it’s always possible they met with foul play or ran off on their own.”
They moved onto the next pages of the orientation manual.
__________________________________________________________
BENEFITS
Torchwood Three offers a complete benefit package. This includes:
No vacation days. Working for Torchwood is like a trip to the amusement park. (You get the excitement of the roller coaster, along with the thrills of the fun house, as well as the dizziness of the Merry-Go-Round. Why would you want time-off?)
Life insurance – If you should die in the course of performing your duty for Torchwood, your beneficiary will receive a check in the amount of one million pounds from the Queen’s Exchequer. (And they say dying young doesn’t pay).
Medical Coverage – National Health Service coverage and supplemental Dr. Harper deluxe healing package including the best pain killers ever (they’re out of this world) and advanced methods of surgery and reconstruction. Tattooing available for a modest additional fee.
Free coffee. - Better than all the other benefits combined, employees may have all the coffee they can consume so long as they 1) don’t piss off Archivist Ianto Jones, 2) don’t piss off resident genius Doctor Toshiko Sato and 3) don’t try to feed Myfanwy cheap chocolate. Anyone violating this provision will be served instant decaf for however long the aforementioned archivist and/or genius deem appropriate.
Dry cleaning/clothes replacements – in the event that an alien spits on you, slimes you or otherwise messes up your clothes, Torchwood will reimburse you for reasonable dry-cleaning costs. In the event that an alien spits something caustic on you that eats through your clothes and leaves you exposed, Torchwood will reimburse you for the cost of a comparable replacement.
Free burial – due to security concerns, any Torchwood employee killed or executed in the course of employment, will have his/her physical remains stored in the Torchwood morgue. A suitable ‘fake’ body will be provided to family members for burial. Torchwood will cover the cost of said burial.
__________________________________________________________
Gwen startled at the first two items. “Oh you’re having one off on me, aren’t you…no vacations or holidays, really.”
“Well, we did get off for May Day this year. The rift predictor said there wouldn’t be any activity for a forty-eight hour period. But even then we are always on call. Because aliens don’t seem to observe holiday rules about not working,” Ianto said sadly.
Tosh nodded adding, “Christmas seems to be especially busy, thank goodness we’re not in
Gwen had other questions about the benefits but reckoned they could wait. She was puzzled by all the references to dying young at Torchwood. It couldn’t be that dangerous could it? Well she was in it now, so best just to go along and see what she was told.
She was even more shocked by the next two policies. Sexual harassment, why that wasn’t funny at all. To think…
_________________________________________________________
DISCRIMINATION/
SEXUAL HARASSMENT POLICY
_______________________________________________________________
DRUG FREE WORK PLACE POLICY
Part 2 here: http://aviv-b.livejournal.com/92953.html