Renewal: Chapter 45 - Sorrow

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IANTO'S JOURNEY, PART III, RENEWAL
TITLE: Chapter 45 - Sorrow
AUTHOR: Aviv_b
RATING: Chapter 454 - PG - language and a few sexual references
CHARACTERS:  Ianto, Owen, Martha, The Brigadier, and The Queen. 
DISCLAIMER:  Not mine; Aunty B's and RTD's
WORDS: ~ 2930
SUMMARY:  Memorial Services are held at St. Paul's Cathedral and Canary Wharf to commemorate the 1st Anniversary of the Battle at Canary Wharf.  The Queen has a private message for Ianto.

BONUS POLL:  What did The Queen say to Ianto - you decide (poll link below)

Title comes from the following quote:   When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.  ~Kahlil Gibran

 

The next day Ianto was up at 5 AM. Despite the sleeping pill, he had been restless all night. When light began to come through his windows he decided he might as well get up and start getting ready for the day.

He ordered up breakfast from room service and made some coffee with the coffee maker in the room. He switched on the television to see that the news broadcasts were already discussing the memorial events for the anniversary of the terrorist attack at Canary Wharf.

Ianto sighed and switched the TV off. He was nervous enough about today, he didn’t need to be reminded of how difficult the next few hours were going to be.

He went to the windows of his hotel room and looked out at the view of London spreading out below him in all directions. He found it hard to believe that a whole year had gone by since that terrible day of destruction. So many friends gone, so many changes, he could hardly recall what his life had been like prior to the attack. He felt tears welling up as he remembered Charlie and his co-workers and even his relationship with Lisa. He also thought about all the new friends he had made, about Owen, and Gwen and Tosh as well as his relationship with Jack. He smiled when he remembered how nervous he had been going to visit Rhiannon and her family and his Mum and how natural it felt now to drop in at their house when he had a few free hours.

Sighing he moved away from the window and went to answer a knock on the door. He signed for his breakfast ate some of it and drank a couple of cups of coffee.

He showered and shaved and dressed in his black suit and dark plum shirt and tie. UNIT had originally wanted him to wear a white shirt, but agreed that the dark purple was appropriately somber for the occasion. He was just finishing the last of the coffee when Owen rang from his room to make sure Ianto was awake. 

‘Yeah, I was up pretty early,’ Ianto told him. ‘I didn’t sleep all that well, I’m afraid. Still, I went to bed so early I must have gotten five or six hours.’

Owen was ready as well and it was just a little past 6:30 AM. “A car from UNIT will be picking us up around 7:30 AM. They just called and asked us to stay in our rooms until they come to get us. I guess the press has already staked out the hotel.”

'Lovely, and I left my weevil spray at home.'

Owen reminded Ianto that he had left a dose of anti-anxiety medicine for him and that he should probably take it just before 7:30. “It takes a bit to kick in, but it’s not all that long-lasting, so I’ll have some more with me if you should need some.”

By 7:15, Ianto was pacing his room as his anxiety increased. ‘Wish they would just come already, I just want to get through this day without having a breakdown or something terrible happening.’ He took his medication and continued walking back and forth across the room.

At almost exactly 7:30 there was a knock on his door. “Mr. Jones? UNIT security detail.” Ianto’s hands were shaking so hard he could hardly open the door. Much to his relief Owen was with them as was The Brigadier. 

“Thought you might need a little moral support this morning,” The Brigadier explained as he hugged Ianto. Ianto realized that there were six security officers to escort them to their car.   One of the officers saw Ianto’s eyes widen as he inspected the escort. “The press is a little frisky this morning and we don’t anyone to get pushed around. We’re going to go down a secure elevator to a car we have waiting. There will undoubtedly be some photographs taken but please don’t stop to pose or speak to anyone from the press.” Ianto and Owen nodded their understanding.

There was no one on the floor or in the elevator as UNIT had secured the space earlier. But when they got to the lobby, there were people everywhere, shouting questions, snapping photos, and in a few cases trying to push through the security cordon that the escorts had created. They moved quickly through the lobby to the waiting black town car. Ianto, Owen and The Brigadier were ushered into the car with amazing speed and it pulled away just as the last door was being closed. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

The driver spoke, never taking his eyes off the traffic. “Same drill at the other end, gentlemen.” Just follow the security detail and keep moving.”

Ianto shook his head in disbelief. ‘Why would anyone want to be famous? Can you imagine having to live this way every day of your life?’

The driver chuckled. ”Don’t mean to intrude but I started out with a private security firm in my younger days and you can’t imagine what people are willing to put up with to gain recognition.”

‘Well, they can have my 15 minutes of fame; I can’t wait to go back to being a nobody.’ The Brigadier smiled at him thinking, ‘Things will calm down for sure, but I don’t know if you’ll ever be able to live in complete obscurity, not after your face has been seen around the world.’

The security was even tighter at St. Paul’s. Rows of uniformed London police lined the steps to the Cathedral effectively keeping anyone who didn’t have clearance away from the front of the Cathedral.   Ianto noticed that the streets at either end of the block were blocked to regular traffic. Obviously the security guarding the block had known their car and let them pass without stopping. Another UNIT security detachment met their car as it pulled up in front of the St. Paul’s.

Ianto, Owen and The Brigadier were hustled up the steps at almost a running pace. Ianto was actually a little breathless when they stopped just inside the Cathedral’s main doors. “You OK?” Owen asked as he looked at Ianto with concern.

‘Yeah, just need to catch my breath for a moment.’ They were led to the side of the church where a metal detector was located. Ianto hadn’t been through a metal detector since being injured and was startled when he set off the alarm. Owen deftly pulled a piece of paper out of his suit coat and handed it to the security attendants. 

“You’ve got enough metal pins in your hand, not to mention a few in your leg to set off just about any detector.” One of the security personnel handed the papers back to Owen and waved Ianto through. “You are going to need to carry this medical document with you whenever you go somewhere where there are detectors.” The security personnel had wanted to confiscate Ianto’s cell phone, but The Brigadier was able to convince them that he needed it since it functioned as a ‘medical device.’ This was, of course, supported by Owen.

'Wonderful. I’m now the bionic man on top of everything else,' Ianto snarked. Owen smiled at the remark. He was glad to see that Ianto was staying relaxed, at least for the moment. To Owen and Ianto’s surprise, they were seated in the second row directly behind where The Queen and The Prime Minister would be seated. The Brigadier was seated in the first row but on the opposite side of the church.

Martha arrived and was seated next to Ianto. It looked liked everyone seated near them were government officials or UNIT personnel. Unfortunately, this meant that the other survivors, their families and families of the casualties were seated further back. Owen and Ianto rolled their eyes at each other as they realized that the politicians had gotten preferential seating as compared to the actual victims of the attack.

Even Martha was in uniform, she was a Captain which amused both Owen and Ianto. She overheard Owen whispering about the seating and held up a finger to her lips and signaled for them to be quiet. She also whispered to Ianto to turn his cell phone off. She knew he hated doing this, since it left him without a way to communicate, but she was terrified that it might go off during the service.

There a stir in the crowd and they turned to see the Prime Minister walk down the main aisle. He stopped and chatted with some members of Parliament, and then sat down in front of Owen. He never acknowledged the presence of a single survivor or the families, let alone Ianto. Another stir and they saw it was The Queen and Prince Phillip being escorted to their seats. They did stop to talk to a few people, including some of the family members. They didn’t great anyone around them as they were seated directly in front of Ianto and Martha.

Apparently their arrival was the signal for the service to begin. St. Paul’s was packed and it was very warm and uncomfortable. Martha whispered to Ianto, “The cameras are right on us.” Ianto made sure he sat up and moved as little as possible during the service.  The whole service was a bit of a blur for Ianto. Hymns were sung, some appropriate words were said by the Archbishop of Canterbury as well as the Dean of St. Paul’s and a few comments were made by Prime Minister. He focused on shutting out as much as he could, and keeping his expression neutral. 

As the service ended, Ianto breathed a sigh of relief. At that very moment The Queen stood up, turned around and looked straight at him. Ianto practically jumped out his seat and made the appropriate bow to her. She smiled a little, leaned over and whispered something to him. He smiled and nodded never looking up. She nodded satisfied and began to exit the Cathedral. The Prime Minister turned to stare at Ianto as he stood to exit but showed no recognition of who Ianto was. Ianto stared back, until the PM broke eye contact with him. 

Owen began to smirk but caught himself. Martha leaned over and whispered to Ianto and Owen, “That’ll teach him to mess with The Bionic Man.” “What a git,” Owen whispered. Ianto kept his expression neutral but the amusement in his eyes was apparent.

They were hustled out not long after and began the drive to Canary Wharf. Ianto’s heart started to race a bit, and he took a deep breath. “Are you OK,” Owen and Martha asked simultaneously.

‘I’m nervous all of a sudden,’ Ianto replied a little bit alarmed. Owen did some quick mental calculations and realized that Ianto could probably use another dose of the anti-anxiety medication. Martha agreed but felt he should have something to eat first. They took a little detour and found themselves stopping at a Wimpy’s of all places. They went through the drive through, ordered some food and quickly ate it in the car. They even managed to persuade the driver to have some lunch.

‘I ate so fast, I think I’m getting heartburn,’ Ianto said laughing as he burped. Owen reached in his pocket and threw Ianto a roll of antacids. 

“That’s all we need, you burping and farting as you lay the wreath at Canary Wharf.” Ianto and Martha started to laugh.

'Do you think the Prime Minister would take it personally?'

“There’s something very wrong about this conversation,” Martha said giggling.  “There is to be no burping or farting on such a solemn occasion.” They laughed some more, a little inappropriate perhaps, but everyone understood that it was just a way to release some tension. Ianto took his second dose of medication along with a couple more antacids.

They arrived at Canary Wharf at 1:30 PM. They had to park away from the memorial site as the clean up was still ongoing. Ianto hesitated as he approached the area where the gleaming Torchwood One headquarters had stood. It was just an empty expanse of dirt, stone and small pieces of concrete. He tried to picture where he the archives would have been, but even with his nearly photographic memory, he couldn’t get a fix on it. Images of that day began to flicker through his brain and he could feel himself breaking out in a cold sweat. 

“Are you OK, mate,” Owen asked, watching Ianto with concern.

‘Is there time to call Jack?’ Ianto asked. Owen nodded. Ianto quickly turned on his phone and sent a text message to Jack.

His phone rang almost immediately, as Jack called the moment he received the text message. “Ianto are you OK? I saw you on TV this morning. I can’t wait to hear what The Queen said to you.” Ianto smiled at that.

‘I’m really nervous Jack, I don’t know if I can do this,’ Ianto texted.

“Listen try to let everything just wash over you like a harmless wave. Nothing can hurt you, you’re with friends, and you’re coming home to Cardiff tomorrow. Hey, and if that doesn’t work, just think about the welcome home I have planned for you tomorrow evening.”

Ianto snorted, causing Owen and Martha to glance over. ‘Great Idea Jack, I’ll be a real hit if I walk up to lay the wreath sporting a hard-on.’

Jack laughed. “Ok, then think about the paperwork we have to catch up on as well as the fact that Myfanwy’s nest is overdue for a cleaning.”

‘Thanks, that didn't decrease my anxiety level but certainly dampened the libido.’ Ianto followed the text with some smiley faces.

Jack really wanted to reassure Ianto that everything would be fine. “Ianto, I” Jack started, but felt himself falter. “…I miss you. Hurry home.”

 Ianto smiled a little sadly, he knew what Jack was going to say and knew why he couldn’t.

‘Miss you too. See you tomorrow.”

 ***

The ceremony at Canary Wharf started promptly at 2. It was as large as the service at St. Paul’s, but this time the survivors and the victims’ families were the priority. The only officials present were the Prime Minister and some UNIT top brass including The Brigadier. 

A bell was tolled as each of the 2254 casualties’ (including those who died after the attack from their injuries or suicide) names were read aloud. Families openly wept for their lost loved ones and Ianto struggled to maintain control, especially when, to his surprise, the name Charles Mackenzie was read. After the names were read a UNIT honor guard brought the wreath forward. Ianto was shaking as he took the wreath and laid it at the base of a small stone memorial. He stood staring at the plaque lost in thought for a few moments. Fortunately, The Brigadier was near enough to him to walk over, touch him on the shoulder and guide him back to his seat. Finally, the UNIT honor guard commenced a 21 gun salute. It only took a minute or so (three rifles firing 7 shots each), but Ianto jumped a bit with every shot. 

Finally, it was over. Ianto sighed. Martha leaned over whispering, “stay on guard, cameras everywhere.” Ianto nodded his understanding. 

Some of the families lingered a bit at the site. For many of them, this was the first time since a few weeks after attack that they were gathered in one place. Ianto had not been to that meeting (being hospitalized) which was just as well, since the families of the victims were outraged by the lack of information made available to them about the attackers and the numerous ‘missing’ bodies. Looking at the hundreds of family members, many holding pictures of their loved ones, he felt guilty for having survived. Owen silently prayed that no one, in their grief, would say anything unkind to Ianto.

Martha saw that an older couple was making their way over to Ianto. She held her breath as they approached.

The woman spoke. “Ianto? Ianto Jones?” Ianto turned and nodded. “We’ve never met, but you did write to us. We’re Charlie’s parents.’

Ianto looked completed stunned. Owen and Martha made eye contact but said nothing. Ianto didn’t know what to say. ‘I’m so sorry; I know it’s my fault…’

“Now we’ve told you before, that’s a lot of nonsense, young man,” Mr. Mackenzie said, interrupting. “You were his best friend, and we would never think badly of you. We treasure the photos you sent us of him, and your kind words when you wrote to us. We saw your interview with ITV on YouTube and we could tell how much you miss him.”

Mrs. Mackenzie added, “We hope you’ll keep in touch with us, you remind us so much of Charlie.” Ianto promised he would. He thought he might have a few more photos of Charlie that he found when he unpacked in Cardiff that he could send them. The Mackenzie’s hugged Ianto. As they turned to leave, Mr. Mackenzie hesitated and then remarked, “It’s probably not fair, but we kind of live Charlie’s life through you now. Make us proud, Ianto.”

The crowd was beginning to thin out a bit and Martha, Owen and Ianto began to make their way back to the town car. Except for a pool reporter, all other press had been kept away from the ceremony. But as they approached the car they saw that a group had gathered nearby. As they got into the car, one shouted, “What did The Queen say to you?” Another yelled, “Come one Ianto, tell us what she said.”

Ianto turned to look at the reporters. He gave them a small smile as he raised one eyebrow and got into the car. The press was not pleased.

 
Link to poll here:
http://aviv-b.livejournal.com/22759.html
 
Chapter 46 here: http://aviv-b.livejournal.com/23330.html