What Do You Do With a Lost Spooky-Doo?

[aviv_b_artwork]

A Schmoop Bingo Story
Author: Aviv_b
Fandom:  Torchwood
Schmoop:  Amusement Park
Title: What Do You Do With a Lost Spooky-Doo?
Words: 4500
Rating: PG
Characters:  Team Torchwood, Andy, Rhys
Disclaimer: Not mine; Aunty B's and RTD's
Summary: So many aliens come through the Rift. Is the 'Hickey Monster' one of them? Takes place not long after Gwen joins Torchwood (but no Suzie here).

A/N:  A little Halloween schmoop bingo. 

And for more Halloween fun, check out my Torchwood Halloween Amphigory  Rated G. A Torchwood version of Edward Gorey's 'Amphigorey' (with a few Dr. Who references).
http://aviv-b.livejournal.com/13516.html

 

It started with a call from the Cardiff Police. The St. Francis Fall Furry Friends Funfair was in full swing, raising money for the homeless cats, dogs and bunnies of Cardiff. Held at a popular amusement park, the last week in October every year was devoted to this charity fundraiser. Pictures of wonderful animals available for adoption (some in Halloween costumes) were posted around the park with descriptions of each animal. Over fifty cats, thirty-five dogs and eleven rabbits had been adopted the previous year and this year's volunteers were hoping to break that record.

There were, of course, the usual games and rides and food vendors. There was even a haunted house in honor of the season. Volunteers dressed up as ghosts and monsters would jump out at various points in the house terrifying and delighting the children. The last hour of each day, the haunted house was for adults only. The volunteers got a little more risqué – changing into costumes of sexy vampires, leather clad torturers and other luscious monsters. While there might be a little flirtatious banter between the volunteers and the participants, it was all in good fun and everyone knew where the line was drawn. The one iron-clad rule to be observed by patrons and volunteers alike was No Touching. That meant no pinching, prodding, stroking or rubbing. No breath play, no physical contact of any kind.

And that’s why the recent spat of violations was so disturbing. The same volunteers had worked this amusement for years and they knew the rules. Unless someone had gone off their nutter, nothing like what had been reported should have happened.

“What another one?” Tosh asked. “That makes three in two days. Something’s not right here.”

Jack sighed. “Yeah that’s why the police think it might be something alien. Don’t know that I agree, but there you have it.”

“So what do we have?” Gwen asked. “Starting the second night of the funfair the police begin to receive reports of people being given hickeys and/or love bites in the haunted house.”

“No one ever sees anything and the marks are always on the neck.” Ianto added. “And they seem fairly uniform in size and shape.”

“I’ve examined a few of the victims and the marks aren’t really bites. Certainly not like the bite of a weevil or other alien we’re familiar with,” Owen stated. “The skin isn’t broken so yeah, I’d say small hickeys are a pretty accurate description.”

The team continued to puzzle over the strange marks being left on people. They really did look like hickeys. And the placement on only necks seemed more than coincidental.

“Ok team,” Jack announced. “We’re attending the carnival tonight and giving the haunted house a going over. We’ll go in just before closing; the police will have made sure everyone else has left the house so we’ll be able to explore it without having to worry about visitors.”

Jack explained that the volunteers wouldn’t know that Torchwood was there.

“That way if it is a volunteer they won’t be tipped off. And if its not, well, we don’t want them gossiping about it and perhaps alerting the perpetrator.”

Jack insisted they go through the house in pairs. “I’m hoping this is just some obnoxious teenagers pulling a prank, but I want the pairs to stick together at all times. In fact, I’d like them to maintain body contact the whole time.”

Owen snickered.

“I meant holding hands, nothing more so that one of you doesn’t get snatched away. I’ll be with Ianto, Tosh you’re with Owen and Gwen…think Rhys would like to join us tonight?”

“Can I tell him what’s going on?”

Jack explained that he really didn’t want to give Rhys the details when they didn’t know what they were dealing with. “Afterwards, if its nothing, of course you can, but I don’t want to alarm him unduly.” Reluctantly Gwen agreed.

“So what do I tell him?”

Ianto smiled. “Tell him that Jack is treating the team to the carnival and Ianto thinks it would be nice to let Gwen bring her boyfriend as a way of saying thank you for his patience with your work schedule.”

Gwen thought about it for a moment. “OK, I think I can sell that.”

They agreed to meet at the amusement park at 7 PM.

***

“Your co-workers are pretty nice,” Rhys said as he and Gwen walked hand-in-hand slightly behind the rest of the group. “I wasn’t sure about Captain Jack, but he’s a decent guy.  Never would have thought he’d be with another bloke, but I guess you can’t tell from looks, can you?”

“Shhhh, Rhys, don’t let them hear you. Ianto is pretty discreet about their relationship.”

“Well Captain Fancy-pants sure isn’t. Must be an American thing, yeah?” Rhys posited.

Gwen just shrugged. It was amazing how relaxed Jack was in his interactions with Ianto. They were totally professional at work, but the few times she had been with them after hours, Jack flirted with Ianto and tried to hold his hand or give him a kiss, but usually Ianto wouldn’t allow it. Tonight she noticed that occasionally Jack would entwine a pinky with Ianto who after a short time would pull away.

They played some carnival games and Rhys managed to win a stuffed white poodle for Gwen. Owen was terrible at the games and was thoroughly embarrassed when Tosh won the ring toss and chose a stuffed bunny for Owen. “Its so cute Owen, and isn’t blue your favorite color?” she teased.

Jack and Ianto each won at their turns. Ianto gave Tosh a pink pony while Jack chose a giraffe. Ianto glared when he gave it to him. “You’ve got to be kidding.”

“It’s for your niece, Mica; didn’t you tell me that she was very interested in African animals?” Ianto nodded and put the brown and white giraffe under his arm.

As they continued to walk the park grounds, no one noticed anything amiss. Everyone seemed to be having a good time, there were families and couples as well as groups of teenage girls and boys lined up at all the rides and games. Finally a little before nine, the volunteers stopped allowing new visitors into the haunted house. The team entered in pairs spaced at ten minute intervals and began their search.

“BWAAAAAA!” a ghoul shouted as he jumped out of secluded area. Tosh gave a little shriek as his sudden appearance startled her. “You almost gave me a heart attack.”

The ghoul removed his mask to reveal….PC Andy. “Sorry, just couldn’t resist the opportunity to get one up on Torchwood,” he said laughing.

“Very funny,” Owen replied. “Just what we need tonight, police with a sense of humor.”

“Ignore him Andy, he’s just crabby because he didn’t win any prizes at the games, but I did.”

“Oh a little inter-employee rivalry, I see.”

“So have you seen anything suspicious?” Owen asked, anxious to change the subject.

“Nothing. No complaints, no hanky-panky, no spooky-doos, nobody getting bit on the neck tonight. But you never know, the night is young. BWAAAAAA,” Andy yelled before disappearing into the darkness.

“The man’s an idiot,” Owen muttered.

“Oh I think he’s kind of cute.”

“Cute, yeah like a ferret I’d say.”

‘Look who’s talking,’ Tosh thought, ‘Mr. Matinee Idol himself. Goodness knows why I’m so attracted to him.’

Meanwhile Gwen and Rhys were making their way through another section of the house having entered before Tosh and Owen. Suddenly, a woman dressed in a skimpy black leather costume stepped out and blocked their path. She had a push-up bustier, leather tap pants, fishnets, high heeled boots and a black mask.  “I’m Mistress Naughty-Bits and I’m here to inflict some pain. One of you will need to come with me.”

“I will,” Rhys cheerfully volunteered.

As the woman motioned Rhys to follow Gwen became concerned that she and Rhys were going to become separated. Suddenly the dim lighting went out completely. Gwen took a step backwards and felt something cold and slimy on her neck. She reached over to touch it, felt a little suction on her skin and yelled. “Dammit, whatever you are get off of me.” She flailed around trying to hit it with her poodle but whatever it was had disappeared.

The lights blinked back on and Rhys and Mistress Naughty-Bits were running over to her.

“Are you OK?” Rhys said hugging her tight.

”I think I got bit by something.”

The volunteer produced a flashlight and shined it on Gwen’s neck.

“Duw! Gwen someone’s given you a hickey.” Rhys was aghast. “Why when I find the bloke….hey this wasn’t you, was it?” he said turning to Mistress Naughty-Bits.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” the volunteer scowled as she took off her mask. It was Gina who waitressed at their favorite Italian restaurant. “What would I be doing making out with your girlfriend. And how could I do it if I was on the other side of the room sweet-talking you.”

Rhys was mortified. “Sorry Gina, I just didn’t think. When I heard Gwen yell, and saw the mark, well I just didn’t think.”

“No you didn’t,” she said stomping off in a huff.

“Looks like we’ll be needing to find ourselves another place to go for Italian,” Gwen said.

“Why….”

“Rocko, the big guy with the tattoos who owns the place, that’s her husband. I don’t think we’re going to be very welcome there anymore.”

Rhys had had a feeling all night that there was more to the team’s excursion to the amusement park than Gwen had told him. “What’s going on Gwen?” 

Gwen tried to dodge the question, but Rhys was relentless. Finally she sighed, telling him, “We’re looking for the kissing bandit so to speak. We have to find Jack and the others.”

But first they had a look around so that they would be able to remember where they were when the bite occurred. This proved difficult as it was just an old storage building that had some narrow pathways carved out with sawhorses and drywall decorated with fake cobwebs and spiders and painted glow-in-the-dark monsters.

“Oi, look at this,” Rhys said pointing to a sawhorse labeled, “property of local 251 of the Police Crossing Guard’s Union.” Rhys pulled out a black felt tip pen and made a smiley face next to the label. “That way we’ll be able to find this again.”

“You’re brilliant Rhys,” Gwen beamed.

“I’ll remind you of that the next time you get mad at me.”

They moved forward quickly anxious to get through the house and outside to meet up with the others. They raced forward so quickly that they hardly noticed the vampire or the devil dressed in red. They got outside and found Owen and Tosh sitting on the grass laughing.

“That devil was hilarious.”

“Yeah, I don’t know who was funnier, PC Andy as the ghoul or Minister Pablum as the devil,” Owen groused.

“Owen, why do you have to be such a spoil sport?” Tosh asked.

“He didn’t try to skewer you with his pitchfork,” Owen retorted.

“It was made of foam rubber, it couldn’t possibly hurt you.”

Rhys was concerned that this bickering could go on all night. “Ahem, you might be interested to know that Gwen got a hickey from the invisible man.”

Tosh and Owen fell silent.

“Let me have a look,” Owen said standing up. Gwen pulled her hair aside and there it was, a small bruise the size of a quarter.

“That’s odd, it’s a nearly perfect circle,” Tosh pointed out. “You wouldn’t expect that from..uh…lips.”

“And it’s small, way too small for an adult to make,” Owen added.

“Ok Sherlock and Watson, where are our lover boys?” Rhys snarked.

“Still in the haunted house. Guess we’ll have to wait."

****

Jack and Ianto were making their way very slowly through the house. Looking and listening carefully as they could in the dim light. As they rounded a corner the lights suddenly went out.

“Oi Jack, stop that, it tickles.”

“What are you talking about?”

“What? Stop that right now, Jack.”

“Ow, that hurt Ianto; that’s not funny.”

“I’m not touching you. And get your lips off my neck.”

“Well if you aren’t touching me and I’m not touching you, then what…”Jack’s voice trailed off. “AAAAIIIIIII!EEEE! We’ve been smooched by the hickey monster,” Jack shouted. “Run for your life Ianto, save yourself.”

Ianto turned to run and realized how ridiculous they were behaving. Reaching into his jacket pocket he pulled out a flashlight and looked around not seeing anything suspicious. “Come on Jack let’s go out and find the others. We’ll get the staff to turn the building lights on and then figure out what all of this is about.”

“But Ianto…”

“Run for your life indeed. Never thought I’d see you scared of a silly hickey monster,” Ianto mused as they headed toward the exit. “In fact, I would think you’d be running toward it.”

“But Ianto…”

“Such a bunch of rubbish,” Ianto said as a man in a red devil costume jumped in front of them. “Sorry, not in the mood,” Ianto growled as he pushed him out of the way.

“But Ianto…”

They had just stepped out of the haunted house and Ianto was trying to find the others in the little light projected by the rides. “What,” Ianto said turning to Jack exasperated.

“There’s a hickey monster on your neck.”

“AAAIIIIIIEEEEE! Get it off of me,” Ianto said turning frantically to try to shake it off.”

“Kidding,” Jack snarked.

If looks could kill, Jack would have been dead and stayed dead.

They finally located the others a short distance away.

“So how’d you make out,” Gwen asked.

“Funny you should ask,” earning himself a glare from Ianto. “We both got nailed by the hickey monster.”

“I did as well,” Gwen said showing them her mark.

Owen examined all three marks and pronounced them nearly identical. Tosh went over to the police who were now standing at the front of the house and asked them to get the volunteers out and the lights turned on in the warehouse.

Going back in with the lights on was a totally different experience. The haunted house looked a little pathetic with its propped up wall board painted with scary monsters. And it really wasn’t very large at all, the path just wound back and forth through the space to make it seem bigger.

“Pretty scary,” Owen snarked. 

A few minutes along the path and Jack thought they had reached the point where they’d been attacked. “No I’m sure it’s further along,” Ianto insisted. They argued for a bit until Rhys interrupted.

“Uh, I can find exactly where it happened.”

“Oh can you?” Jack said smugly.

“Follow me,” Rhys said taking the lead.

Ianto and Jack looked at each other and rolled their eyes before following along. They walked a couple of meters more before Rhys stopped. “It was right here. See that sawhorse, I drew the smiley face so that we could find it again.”

“He’s a genius, isn’t he,” Gwen said proudly.

“Yeah, genius,” Jack grumbled.

“Well done,” Ianto said in admiration. He had to admit that it was a good idea, one that had been totally overlooked by him and Jack in their panic.

They looked around the corridor. “What are we searching for exactly?”

“Probably something small, non-human, no teeth,” Jack said peering around the wall board.

“There it is,” Tosh said crouching down by the sawhorse. Everyone gathered round to look.

“It’s a tiny octopus,” Rhys said in amazement. There crawling up the sawhorse was a small grey creature with tentacles. It was about the size of a pack of cigarettes.

“That’s the hickey monster?” Owen asked in disgust.

“Yep. These are amazing creatures. Look around guys, there should be another one nearby, they always come in pairs,” Jack said as he scooped the creature up in his hand.

“Look, its changing color,” Tosh said as the octopus turned flesh colored. “It blends in with its surroundings doesn’t it?” Jack nodded.

“Yeah, you’re a long way from home, aren’t you little guy” Jack said as he gently held the creature. “Ow. Watch what he’s doing. He’s taking in moisture through his feeding pad, see the large one on the bottom. They are native to Gemesus 6 which is a marshy planet with a dense misty atmosphere. They stay in the marsh most of the time to feed on little plankton like organisms but do come onto dry land once in a while.”

Ianto watched as it sucked on Jacks palm. “Is it trying to see if you are food?”

“More likely trying to get some salts and water. These guys can be very active, I think he’s starving.’

“Oi, here’s the other one,” Owen said bending down to pick it up from the corner it was tucked into. “Shit, its missing a leg Jack.”

“We need to get these creatures into some salt water and find them some food.”

“You know there’s a game not far away where you could win a tropical fish or a turtle,” Gwen said. “They were in little bags of salt water.”

“Gwen, that’s brilliant,” Jack said smiling. “Let’s go.”

They ran over to the stand where the barker was just closing up. “Torchwood” Jack said pulling out his official badge. “We need some salt water. It’s an emergency.” 

The man looked exhausted, he’d been on his feet since early morning. “Pisho bant* mate, I don’t care if it’s the Queen herself as needs salt water, its late, I’m tired and we’re closed.”

Jack looked around in exasperation. Ianto ran up carrying a couple of large plastic cups. “Ca ddiod chychwïor,” he said as he handed the man a beer. Smiling the man took a long drink. They continued to chat in Welsh punctuated with the occasional snort or giggle from Gwen and Rhys. Tosh, Owen and Jack stood by in silence. Finally the man disappeared to the back of his stand.

Ianto finally spoke. “I’ve explained to Mr. Evans our little problem and he’s going to help us out.” The man came back and had a small bucket filled with water. He also handed Ianto a bag filled with little fluttery bug like creatures. “We now have salt water and some brine shrimp, so let’s get these back to the Hub.”

There was only one problem. Rhys knew a bit about what Torchwood did, but he was not allowed in their ‘secret clubhouse’ as he called it. “Why don’t Rhys and I stay here and sort this out with the police.”

Jack smiled. “Thanks Gwen, why don’t you take the day off tomorrow and spend some time with Rhys. And thanks Rhys,” he said extending his to shake Rhys’ hand. “That really was good work.”

Back at the Hub they debated how to put the two octopi into the salt water. Tosh had an idea. “Take a little salt water and make a puddle on the table.” They put the healthier one on the table and he immediately moved over and sat in the water. “I think we should try him in the bucket, but be prepared to grab him out if he’s having problems.”

They all held their breaths as they gently placed the creature into the salt water. He rolled around in the water, changing colors. “That means he’s content,” Jack told them. They added the second octopus who seemed to perk up a bit. It made a few color changes, though not as bright. “Ok, that’s the female, they don’t change colors as much as the males.”

They dropped a few brine shrimp into the bucket which the octopi quickly gobbled up. They fed them some more until they noticed them ignoring the new ones they put in the bucket.

“What are we going to do with them,” Tosh wondered.

“We could dump them in the bay,” Owen suggested.

“I think we should leave them be for the rest of the night and see how they are in the morning. Ianto can check the archives tomorrow morning and see if there is anything about them down there.” They all sat and watched the two octopi swim around the small bucket.

“Not much of a home, we’ll have to rig up something better If they are going to be permanent residents of the Hub,” Ianto said rather sadly.

It was past midnight when Jack finally made the team go home. Everyone seemed reluctant to leave the little creatures. As Jack and Ianto shut down the Hub for the night, Jack volunteered to stay up and watch their guests. “I know you won’t sleep if I don’t stay up and keep an eye on them.”

“Actually, I won’t sleep until I check the archives to see if there’s any information on the care and feeding of alien cephalopod mollusks,” Ianto said as he headed to the archives. “You don’t happen to know what they are called.” He asked Jack. Jack shook his head.

“It’s something along the lines of Shy Octopus but I don’t what language you should be looking for.”

“Well, worth a try,” Ianto said looking a little disappointed.

Hours passed and Jack saw nothing of Ianto. Finally around 5 Am he heard Ianto coming up the stairs from the archive. “Nothing Jack, I didn’t find any references even close to them. I think we’ll have to care for them like conventional octopi and see how it goes.”

They set up an aquarium and the creatures (now named Smeagol and Pippin) seemed to thrive.  Within a few months they outgrew one aquarium so they bought a bigger one. Finally, the healthy one began to escape from the confines of their tank. The team would find him diligently trying to climb up the stairs to the tourist office several times a week. Then they found him hiding from Myfanwy under Tosh’s desk.

“This isn’t working out,” Ianto said in frustration.

“Rhys thinks they want to be set free,” Gwen said as she stared sadly at them in their tank. The rest of the team turned and stared at her. “What? It’s not like he doesn’t know about them.”

Tosh nodded. “I have to agree. They are going to keep growing and we won’t be able to keep them here at some point. And ever since we found Smeagol under my desk, I worry that Myfanwy is going to have them for a snack.”

“And it’s not like we can donate them to the London Aquarium,” Owen added.

After some more debate, the team finally agreed on the logistics of releasing the octopi. There had been some accidental captures of curled octopi off Sker Beach which was less than an hour away. On a chilly late afternoon in April, Gwen and Ianto put Pippin and Smeagol into a sealed container filled with salt water, loaded them in the SUV and drove to Porthcawl. They stopped at Rest Bay and unloaded the container. It took them over an hour to carry the container the short distance to Sker beach.

It was nearing sundown when they stepped onto the deserted beach. Opening the cramped container they placed the octopi on the beach just above the waterline. After sitting still for a few moments, Smeagol crawled nearer to the water. A wave came in and washed him into the water.

“Oh no, Pippin’s still on dry land,” Gwen said getting very upset.

Ianto put an arm on her shoulder. “Let’s wait a bit.” Moments later Smeagol struggled out of the water and over to Pippin. She was having a little difficulty moving on the sand but Smeagol pushed and tugged her near the water. Finally they slid into the water and bobbed along the shore. Both Ianto and Gwen held their breath as they watched then drift along.

And then they began to swim and change colors. “Oh, they’re beautiful. Look at them move, Ianto, they’re so graceful and lovely and…” She hesitated feeling foolish.

“Happy,” Ianto said finishing the sentence for her.

“Yeah happy. Do you think they feel happiness?”

Ianto shrugged. “Jack said that changing color was a sign of contentment. If he’s right, those are some very contented octopi.” They watched as two continued to change colors and slowly drift out to sea. They stayed on the beach until they lost site of them.

“Do you think they’ll be OK?” Gwen asked.

“I think they’ll be better off than if we had kept them at the Hub. They were practically the size of rabbits, if they keep growing, they could be gigantic in a few years.”

They walked back to the SUV in the last of the daylight and drove home in silence. Gwen thought about how lucky she was to have Rhys and her family near by. Ianto thought about how lonely it must be for Jack being the proverbial ‘stranger in a strange land.’

Ianto checked in with Jack and found out that the rift predictor was indicating no major alien incursions for the next 24 hours. At Jack’s insistence, Ianto dropped Gwen off at her flat.

As he entered the Hub, only Jack was there to greet him. “Where are Tosh and Owen?”

“They had a busy afternoon dealing with a weevil over in Llanishen Cemetery. Took them several hours to locate and corner him. Unfortunately, they ended up shooting him when he tried to move into the town. They were exhausted so I sent them home.”

They moved over to the sofa and sat down. Ianto hesitated a moment before he put an arm around Jack. “What have you been doing?”

Jack sighed and leaned over to rest his head on Ianto’s shoulder. “Honestly, I’ve been staring at the empty aquarium wondering if we did the right thing.”

“Guess we’ll never know. But they looked pretty happy when they went into the ocean.” Ianto told Jack about how Pippin and Smeagol got into the surf and the color show they put on for him and Gwen. 

“We expend all that energy to help two little octopi and then shoot a far more sophisticated weevil,” Jack said.  

“We do what we can, Jack. You can’t save all of them. But I’d like to think that those we can set free or return home know we tried to help. And look at Myfanwy. She’s seems pretty happy even though we can really do neither for her.”

Jack snuggled up closer to Ianto. “You always know exactly what to say.”

Ianto snorted. “What else is there to say? If you weren't in charge here, all the life forms coming through the rift would be destroyed. We have to assume our former guests are all right, it’s not like they can send us a letter giving us an update.”

“Yeah, guess so.” Jack felt so tired. At Ianto’s urging he put his head in Ianto’s lap and drifted off to sleep.

“You may be a stranger in strange land, but you’ll never be alone as long as I am here,” Ianto thought as he kissed Jack on the forehead.