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aviv_b_artworkTITLE: I've a Feeling We're Not in Cardiff Anymore
Author: Aviv_b
RATING: PG
CHARACTERS: Ianto, Jack, Gwen, Tosh Owen and other canon characters
WARNING: Slight character bashing - no character escapes unscathed.
DISCLAIMER: Not mine; Aunty B's and RTD's
WORDS: ~ 3105
SUMMARY: No one notices how tired Ianto is until he has a serious accident.
Written for
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redisourcolor Challenge 18 - Theme: Medicine. Words: tighwad, creamy, babbling and the sentence: "Well then, how about you try it, and see how it goes?"A/N: Another crackfic with no redeeming social value. This is all
fault. She wrote the story Specs are Sexy: http://xrai-namere.livejournal.com/61264.html and then I started looking for a picture I'd seen of GDL wearing glasses and found this. Yeah, bunny slippers.
The Team had been working nonstop for the last ten days. Weevils were coming out of the sewers in packs, a disabled space ship filled with goblins had landed in
Everyone was tired, but Ianto was almost dead on his feet. Not only had he conducted all the research on the various aliens, but had also provided backup for the missions, creating all the cover stories and disposing of the evidence of aliens that went with the job. And of course he ordered food, made coffee, cleaned up after everyone, ran to the dry cleaner with Jack’s clothes and volunteered to come in early and stay late at the Hub so everyone else could get some rest.
No one noticed how tired Ianto was until he unexpectedly tripped down the stairs leading from the conference room to the main area of the Hub as he carried away the remains of another take-away dinner the Team had scarfed down. The noise of him rolling down the stairs, not to mention the sound of several coffee mugs breaking had the rest of the team running to see what happened. They found Ianto at the bottom of the stairs sitting up looking a bit dazed.
“That’s it,” Owen growled. “You’re on medical leave as of this moment.”
Despite his protests, Owen ordered him home and the sneaky bastard injected him with a sedative. Jack agreed to drive Ianto home and make sure he was asleep before he returned to the Hub.
***
Ianto woke with a start. A terrible storm was raging outside. He tried to look at the time but he couldn’t read the numbers on the clock. He stumbled over to the window at the front of his small bedroom and looked at the rain pouring down in sheets. He was about to go back to bed when he spotted a trembling little gray terrier huddled under a tree. Without a second thought he ran out of his flat to grab the dog. As he reached down for the dog he heard a roaring noise; he looked up and saw a huge funnel cloud coming toward him. Ianto tried to run, but he couldn’t escape the vortex. It lifted him up and whirled him through the air. Higher and higher he rose until he was looking down at
***
Ianto opened his eyes and looked around. He was sitting with the little dog in his lap. “Well, kiddo, I’ve a feeling we’re not in
As he stood up he was surrounded by little goblins who cried, “Hooray, you’ve killed the evil sorcerer.”
“What?” Ianto was positive that they had captured or killed all the wayward goblins. “How did these get so far away from
“You killed the evil sorcerer Owen and saved us from his sarcasm and injections so now you get to wear his bunny slippers.”
“Uh, ok, but where am I?”
“You’re in Ooze, where everything and anything can happen and probably will.”
“Oz, you mean with flying monkeys and witches?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” a tiny groblin replied, “the flying monkeys and witches are on Oz, not Ooze. I don’t why that’s so hard for everyone to keep straight,” he mumbled as he walked away.
Ianto thought he might be dreaming, but no, this was real. He obviously had fallen through the rift and was on another planet. The thought terrified him. The Team needed him and he had no idea where he was.
“I’m from planet Earth, 21st Century. I need to get home. Can you help me?”
“No can do,” an especially ugly goblin replied, “but a Wizard who lives in the
Ianto shook his head. This was getting a bit comical. “And I suppose I’ll meet several companions on the way who also want to see the Wizard,” he snarked.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” a familiar voice replied, “we’re going with you from the start.”
Ianto turned and saw Jack and Tosh and Gwen standing behind him. “Fancy meeting you here,” Ianto told him.
The three team members looked at him, looked at each other and shrugged.
“Never seen him before in my life, do you know him?” Tosh said.
“Can’t say that I do, but I like the looks of him,” Jack replied smiling.
Gwen surprisingly said nothing.
“She doesn’t like you,” Tosh told him.
Ianto rolled his eyes. “Please, just please tell me we don’t have to sing.”
Gwen’s eyes narrowed. ‘I think he got hit on the head or something. He doesn’t make any sense.”
“He’s just a stranger, nothing to be afraid of,” Jack said. “Obviously has some problems with his memory or his ability to put facts together.”
“I don’t think we should let him come with us,” Tosh said.
The three of them bickered for a while until Jack spoke. “We’ve decided you can come with us. You seem to have problems serious enough to warrant a visit to the Wizard, so why not.”
“There’s just one problem,” a goblin said, “The Wizard doesn’t like most dogs.”
Jack looked puzzled. “Actually, I heard he really likes dogs.”
“And that’s a problem as well. Best leave him with us.” Ianto reluctantly handed the dog over to the goblin.
As they headed off on the yellow sidewalk, Ianto inquired why his companions were going to see the Wizard.
“I have too many brains,” Tosh told him. “Some people say it hurts my romantic life, always spouting quadratic equations. Can you believe that most people here don’t find math talk sexy?”
Gwen spoke next, “I have too big a heart. I care too much, and try to help everyone but when people get hurt I get blamed. I want to find out how to get others to appreciate my talents.”
“And you,” Ianto asked looking at Jack.
“I’m too heroic. I always have to save the day though sometimes I have to sacrifice other people to do so. Take Owen; I was the one who told him to catch you when you fell out of the sky. I forgot about the velocity you would be traveling at and you squished him dead. I grieve for him, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve got more people to save so I just can’t dwell on it, can I?”
“Yes you should,” Gwen retorted. ‘And you should hire more staff so we wouldn’t always be in so much danger. If you weren’t such a bloody tightwad…”
“I wonder what the final velocity of a man falling from space is when he hits the ground,” Tosh interrupted as she pulled a calculator out of her pocket and began to madly tap away at it.
Ianto sighed; it was going to be a long journey.
Part 2: http://aviv-b.livejournal.com/108495.html
