aviv_b_artwork | Five Love Letters Lost and One that Was Found (A Schmoop Bingo Story)

Author: Aviv_b
Fandom: Torchwood
Schmoop: Love Letter
Title: Five Love Letters Lost and One that Was Found (A Ianto's Journey verse story)
Words: 1545
Warnings: A sad schmoopy story. Kleenex may be required.
Rating: G/PG
Characters: Jack/Ianto, Ianto/Aaron
Summary: These letters parallel the story told in Ianto's Journey. (http://aviv-b.livejournal.com/62157.html#cutid1) While it contains significant spoilers for Ianto's Journey, the story can read without knowledge of this story. Everything you need to know is in the letters. And if you plan on reading IJ some day, I don't think this will ruin the experience for you.

Lost Letter Number One
From Ianto to Jack – August 2007(1 month after Jack leaves with the Doctor)

I miss you. I know you never promised me a monogamous relationship; in fact I know you never promised me anything at all. I guess I was fooling myself when I thought maybe we meant something to each other. I guess it was only you meaning something to me.

Why did you leave without saying anything? Are you ever coming back? Even if I didn’t mean anything to you how could you have done this to the rest of the team. Tosh is frightened; what will happen to her if UNIT finds out you’re gone? Owen is angry and Gwen is confused. Looking back, it’s obvious that you were planning this for a long time. Why didn’t you prepare us for this? Was it us you thought so little of or yourself to have left us this way?

We’re lucky that Gwen has kept us focused on the job. Yeah, Gwen. You’re surprised aren’t you? But she’s the only one whose life didn’t totally revolve around you. And her optimism and spirit hasn’t been broken…yet. I’m broken, Jack. Broken and confused and I hate you and I love you, and hope you never come back. And I miss you. Ianto

Lost Letter Number Two
From Aaron to Ianto – May 2008 (3 months after Ianto agrees to share space in Aaron’s house, 6 months after Jack’s departure).

I watch you die a little every day. Do you know that I loved you the first time I met you at Father’s New Years party? I knew you were seeing someone else and I kept away. And I’ll admit that I hoped that if you moved in as my ‘roommate’ that something might develop between us.

How can you keep waiting and hoping that Captain Harkness will return and how can you want to be with him if he does? He’ll never love you the way I do. I would never be unfaithful or take you for granted or treat you as less than the amazing man you are.

I’m a little ashamed to say that there are nights when I come to your bedroom door and just watch you sleep. I have to stop myself from waking you up and confessing my love for you. I wish you were my lover; I’m glad to have you as a friend, but I miss having someone special in my life. Aaron

Lost Letter Number Three
From Ianto to Jack – October 2008 (14 months after Jack’s disappearance)

I’ve waited over a year for your return. You’re not coming back. I was a fool to hope that you would. You obviously never cared one bit for any of us. But we’re all carrying on despite that. Torchwood Cardiff is running better than it ever did so it’s probably good that you’re gone.

I’m working at the newly reopened Torchwood One in London. Yeah it’s hard to believe, isn’t it? You know Jack, there were a lot of good people who worked at One, but you never could look past the mistakes of Yvonne Hartmann and give us a fair shake.

And there’s something else I want you to know. I have a new lover.

I’ve been rooming with Aaron Hamilton, the Brigadier’s son. I knew he was interested in me even before I moved in. But I told him I was waiting for you, and he’s respected that. Now, I feel like an idiot. But I’m done with you now. Aaron might not be the immortal hero you are, but he’s given me his love and his care, which is something I now realize you would never be willing to do.

Part of me hopes you never come back; part of me hopes you do so you can see how happy I am. Part of me still wishes you’d never left. I still miss you. Ianto

Lost Letter Number Four
From Jack to Ianto – January 2010 (2 months after Jack returns)

I didn’t mean to be gone so long. The Doctor screwed up. I was supposed to come back three months, not three years after I left. I wish I could explain to you why I had to leave, what happened to me during that time, and what I’ve learned from the experience.

I’m sorry I treated you so badly. I was so afraid of having my heart broken when you would inevitably leave me, that I pushed you away. And yet, my heard is still broken and in some ways it hurts more to see you so happy with someone else than if I had lost you through death.

When the team told me you were in London and married(!) I couldn’t believe it. And Gwen and Rhys and Owen and Tosh being married as well, I’ve missed a lot since I left. Most of all I missed you. It was the memory of you that kept me alive all those months while the Master tortured me. And it was you that I came back for.

Did you know that I came to London to confront Aaron? I was hoping to find out that he was some horrible person taking advantage of you and I could play the hero and rescue you from his evil clutches. Turns out that meeting Aaron made me realize that I’m the one who was taking advantage of you and he’s the hero who saved you from the Monster that I am.

I will always love you Ianto. And I will spend the rest of my life regretting the chance for happiness I threw away when I left with the Doctor. I vow that I will do everything I can to make sure you have a happy life with Aaron even at the expense of my own desires. I miss you. Jack

Lost Letter Number Five
From Aaron to Ianto - April 2038 (A year before Aaron’s death)

We’ve been together 29 years. You have made me the happiest man on Earth. Truly, you have. When I had my heart attack and stroke 16 years ago, you were the one who stayed by my side and refused to give up on me. I know without your belief in me I wouldn’t have ever gotten another 16 years of life, another 16 years to spend with you.

I worry though. I’ve just turned seventy-one and I don’t know how much longer my health will last. I worry since I’m so much older than you about who will take care of you in your later years. You would be angry if you knew this, but I’ve spoken to Jack and asked that he make sure you are OK once I am gone.

He loves you Ianto. He always has. I don’t think you realized it, but I’ve been aware of how he’s felt since he confronted me in London shortly after he returned. Why do you think he sent for John Hart to save my life when I was near death? You didn’t really think it was for me, did you? Knowing you, you probably did. But I can tell you, with absolute certainty, that he saved my life so you wouldn’t be hurt.

I can’t ever tell you this, but I hope that when I’m gone, the two of you will end up together. You can trust him Ianto; now, at long last you can trust him. I love you. I will miss you until we are reunited for eternity. Aaron

One Found Letter
Ianto to Jack – 2060 (A month before Ianto’s death – Found in Ianto's personal effects shortly after his death)

Thank you Jack. These last few years haven’t been easy, have they? We’ve lost so many of our friends – Rhiannon and Johnny, Tosh, Rhys, and now Owen a few weeks ago. Old age is not for sissies. It’s just me and Gwen now, and while she’s still going strong, I feel my life’s energy slowly diminishing.

I don’t know that I every really thanked you properly for savings Aaron’s life. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized why you did it. At the time I thought you were doing what you’d do for any friend and co-worker. But now I understand that you did it because you loved me. Were you ever tempted to just let ‘nature take its course’ as everyone else suggested so that I would be available? No, don’t answer that; it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you moved heaven and earth and nearly violated the integrity of the time line to save Aaron’s life.

I loved Aaron with all my heart, and yet, somehow there was always a little a love for you buried away inside me. We’ve been back together for almost 20 years, who would have thought that would happen.

Don’t be sad when I’m gone. You have eternity stretching before you and you must open yourself again to love. It will always be painful when your mortal lover dies, but how much more painful it would be to live for all time alone without love.

I love you. I’ve always loved you. I will love you through death and time and space; I’ll be waiting for you at the end of eternity. With Aaron, and all our friends, and who knows, maybe even John Hart. Until then, I’ll miss you. Ianto.