The Dangers of Ham & Pineapple Pizza (Part 1 of 2)

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The Dangers of Ham & Pineapple Pizza (Part 1 of 2)

 

I started writing a fic for the Ninja Teaboy Challenge over here ,
http://community.livejournal.com/ninja_teaboy/42779.html#cutid1
but realized that I needed a little back story to start.

 

 After the deaths of Tosh & Owen, the remaining staff at Torchwood bravely soldiered on.  Jack knew he should hire more staff, but with the increased riff activity, he just never had the time.  Well, maybe he could have found the time, but he just didn’t want to admit that they were truly gone. With Jack’s future knowledge of aliens, he was brilliant at defeating anything that came through the rift, but when it came to administrative details, even he admitted that this wasn’t his strong suit.

 

Ianto tried several times to get him to look at recommendations that Martha had sent over for a replacement medic but he always found an excuse to reject them. They were too young, too old, no trauma experience, only trauma experience, they weren’t tall enough, they were taller than Jack, they had bad teeth. 

 

Ianto sighed in exasperation after Jack quickly rejected the latest batch of resumes.

“Bad teeth?  You’re rejecting a candidate who went to one of the top medical schools in the UK because he has bad teeth!  A candidate who has worked for UNIT as a general health medic for five years, and was head of their field trauma training program for six!”

 

But Jack wouldn’t be convinced. “I hate bad teeth.  Any doctor who doesn’t have nice teeth obviously isn’t taking proper care.  Did I ever tell you about the guy I met on Raxilon 4?  He had a killer body but when he smiled, his teeth were so bad, they just killed my libido and….”

 

Ianto thought his head would explode if he listened to Jack another moment, so without warning, he turned around stalked out of Jack’s office.  Ianto thought, “We can’t continue like this, almost a year’s gone by, and we haven’t replaced either Tosh or Owen. We’re courting disaster. ” 

 

In addition to his regular duties, Ianto was doing his best to cover some of Tosh’s responsibilities and then there was Gwen. Almost six months had passed since she announced her pregnancy.  Torchwood policy forbade employees with children from continuing to work for the organization. The three of them quickly agreed that it was time for this antiquated policy to be modified in keeping with 21^st century realities.

 

But now as she was approaching her last trimester (which would sensibly restrict her to desk duty), how were they going to cope during that and her maternity leave?  They weren’t going to be able to even field a team that could handle much more than a weevil or two.

 

When the disaster finally happened, it wasn’t in the form of a deadly alien attack or a pack of weevils gone berserk.  On an ordinary Tuesday, Gwen interrupted Jack and Ianto in Jack’s office where they were trying to sort out some expense reports.  “Guys, I have something important to tell you.”

 

Ianto groaned to himself, “Oh no, now we’re going to have to hear her terrible dilemma over whether to use cloth or paper nappies.”

 

Jack smiled at Gwen.  He thought about how people always talked about pregnant women glowing, but Gwen was practically sparkling.  “How’s my little mommy-to-be feeling today.” 

 

Gwen grimaced slightly.  “That’s what I’m here to talk to you about.  I saw my doctor this morning and he doesn’t want me to work at all during the last trimester.” 

 

Ianto paled a bit and started worrying his lower lip. Jack stared at her, not really comprehending what this announcement meant.  “Hey, we can set up a little lounge area for last bit, and then after your maternity leave we’ll be back to normal.” 

 

Gwen realized that she was going to have to be much more direct with Jack.  For a man who’d been on earth for what, a hundred or more years, he could be so clueless.

 

“Jack, that’s not going to work.  The Doctor has ordered me on complete bed rest. If I don’t, I could lose the baby.”

 

Jack continued to stare at her. “And there’s something else.  I won’t be coming back to Torchwood after the baby’s born.’  Jack jumped out of his desk chair and started to speak, but Gwen interrupted him. “No Jack, my decisions final, I love Torchwood but I’ve decided that my baby has to come first.  You don’t know this but I miscarried about a year ago and the Doctor says that after this baby I’m unlikely to have any more children.”    

 

Ianto watched Jack as he struggled with what to say.  Ianto wasn’t sure if Jack was going yell or cry or maybe pop a blood vessel in his brain. 

 

Ianto took a big breath. “Gwen, you have to do what you think is right. I admire your decision – I know how much you love your job, and how fulfilling you find it, but you only get to be with your baby once. I’m going to miss you.  Both of us are going to miss you.”

 

Gwen was a little surprised by Ianto’s reaction.  She looked down at her belly wondering if maybe he was glad to be getting rid of her.  But when she heard Ianto shift his weight a little, she looked up just in time to see him wipe a tear from his face.  Jack was still silent. 

 

“I’m so glad you’re OK with it, I really hate to leave you both so short-handed…”

 

Finally, realizing what was expected of him Jack interrupted, “No, no, its fine….I was just startled that’s all.  It’s your baby’s future, really all of earth’s children that we’re fighting for.

 

Brightening a bit Gwen added, “And that’s not to say that I won’t want to come back in a few years…if you’ll have me.”

 

“Of course we will,” both men blurted out together.  Ianto quipped, “Oh you’ll be back.  After dueling with Rhy’s mother on how to raise your child for a few years, you’ll regret giving up the posh job you had here.” 

 

“Rhy’s mother or weevils,” snarked Gwen, ‘yeah that's a toss-up for sure,” which set them all off laughing.

 

Ianto suggested that they have a little farewell celebration for Gwen; it would be just him and Jack, Rhys of course, perhaps Martha could stop by. Maybe he could convince Jack to include PC Andy.  He felt a little wistful when he thought about who wasn’t going to be there.  And then it hit him. 

 

Jack noticed the sadness on Ianto’s face. “What wrong, Ianto?

 

Ianto almost couldn’t get the words out. “Gwen’s last day will mark the 1 year anniversary of losing Toshiko and Owen.” 

 

“And Gray,” thought Jack.

 

Fortunately, Gwen could see where this was going.  “Well, we will honor the memories of our dear friends and colleagues, and celebrate the newest member of the Torchwood team all at the same time.  That will be perfect.”

 

 

Part II coming shortly where you will actually get to see how this ties in to CoE per the Teaboy Challenge.

A party where ham and pineapple pizzas will be featured. 

As well as Ianto with a BIG MF GUN.

And who knows, there might even be:

1)      Ianto accidentally shooting Jack's cock off with said gun and

2)      Bean-related pornography, that is, sex, but with the involvement of beans

 cause I really, really want those bonus points.

And there most definitely be Timelord!Ianto cause I want the Icon too.

Part 1.1 is here:
http://aviv-b.livejournal.com/1511.html